Even When It’s Hard

I have recently had a few challenges to deal with. My husband can tell you that I don’t like to deal with conflict. I have found over the years that ignoring things won’t make them go away, but usually makes them worse.

I have read several books on leadership, but recently I read an article on dealing with criticism and feedback that has helped me in several situations recently. Being a people pleaser, I don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. I am also learning that truth doesn’t always feel good. The way the truth is presented is important and learning how to do that better is important to me.

Since we all deal with conflict, give feedback, and receive feedback, I thought I would share with you some steps from the article.

Three steps For Giving Feedback
Begin with a clear objective in your mind for what you want the discussion to accomplish.

1. What’s working?  Always start with the good stuff.
2. What’s not working? There are almost always ways to improve or even totally transform a situation. Approach this step with an upbeat attitude.
3. What’s missing? What behavior, skill, or action are you recommending. This step should be approached as “We can do this together”.

Three Steps for Taking Feedback

1. Listen Up! Don’t argue or take the “But that’s not true” stance.
2. Resist the temptation to prove them wrong. You can always get someone to call the feedback “bunk” And then you can decide not to make any changes at all.
3. Be open to make significant changes. You can change anything, anytime you want to.

This article is found in the September 2008 issue of Real Simple by Gail Blanke. These steps have even helped me with my children.